#3 - Remedies for the Supernaturally Afflicted: Evicting the Blob and Dating a Succubus

We have a very special edition of “Remedies for the Supernaturally Afflicted” for you today! While we only have two questions for you, we feel that they’ll more than suffice. Both questions hail from our own favorite city of Atlanta, Georgia (whatcanwedoforya?), and both have, let’s just say, some... legal ambiguities...

1. I have a big problem. And i mean BIG. My house has been taken over by what i can only describe as a "The Blob." 

So, I just moved into my first house, everything was going great until i got all moved in and finally got a chance to use the shower. I saw something work its way out of the drain, then it popped the screen and a reddish, gooey tentacle came out and made straight for my foot. 

So I make it out of the shower and the thing* kind of went back in the drain.  I went underneath the house and he was all up in the crawl space, I barely made it out of there too.  i found out later that before i bought the place, nobody was in there for over a year. So, i'm thinking he's just like a squatter, except he's a The Blob, so then i call the cops. 

Well, the cops tell me they really can't do anything if he's not being violent at the moment -it's not like they can taser the dude and drag him out in cuffs - so he's got to be legally evicted. First, i'm thinking: why are they treating him like a regular squatter, right? So the next day i call my agent, which leads to the lawyer telling me to go downtown and get everything documented…and it turns out that in the time the house was empty, The Blob moved in and he paid the fucking property tax for 2012! there's a check for $1,900 signed "The Blob" in county fucking records!

So I'm begging you guys, please help me. there's no way this guy gets "squatters rights" and there's no way i'm giving up my house, but I'm not staying there for fear that he absorbs me at night or something.

Sincerely,

Sleepless in Atlanta

"Come at me, Bro!"

#2 - Remedies for the Supernaturally Afflicted: The Superhero Edition

We’ve noticed a trend in the questions coming across our supernatural law expert’s desk in the past few weeks. We’ve seen a great decline in issues with zombies, virtually no vampires or werewolves. We did get one very interesting question about the Blob, but we’ve gotten so many questions concerning issues with superheroes that we’ve decided to dedicate an entire issue of Remedies for the Supernaturally Afflicted to these issues. Maybe it has something to do with the impending release of Iron Man 3. Maybe it’s all a coincidence. We may never know, but what we do know is demand. And we’re more than happy to supply...

1. A superhero in a gold and red suit (I can’t say for sure, but I think it was [NAME REDACTED]) got into a fight with a self-proclaimed super villain. The “hero” threw my car at the “villain.” While that stopped the fight, I am now stuck riding the bus to work…

On Foot in New York

It's this guy, isn't it? You may not have a case...